"And the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden…. To dress it and keep it".

Sometimes I start to feel that I am going out of my mind.  I feel as though I walk around thinking about things that have nothing to do with my surroundings.  When people look at me they must surely think I am kinda "high" because I have to be called back from my reverie to answer questions, and they can see I am distracted.  In the middle of conversations, I will pipe up with the thing that my mind is on the most, and it has nothing to do with what they are saying.  Wonder if I need to be committed?  I think I already am, totally and completely.

 

This must be because of the drug I grew up on.  It had such an influence on me, that now, in my latter life, it has taken hold of me and I cannot let it go; I am totally addicted. 

 

You see my parents drug me here and drug me there.  Every time the church doors were open, there I was, drug in to church, whether I wanted to go or not.  And when I was unable to go, somehow, I started getting withdrawals. 

 

When their influence was not so great on me, I started to wean myself off of this drug and only went when I was forced, or would be there in body but not in mind.  I started to look for other things to give me the satisfaction that my previous addiction had given.  But alas, even after years of searching, it was to no avail.  I was acting strangely grumpy, and out of sorts as any addicted person does without their fix.  I had to get back to my first drug of choice and to the addiction that I had acquired as a young child, for to be without it much longer would have caused symptoms that could have been critical to my health and wellbeing.

 

I found that I just could not live without Jesus.  He was and is the drug of choice and fills my whole mind, and every thought.  People think I am insane for I have him on my mind at all times, and am distracted by thoughts of  Him and his kingdom.  He is the lover of my soul, my heart's desire.  I think like him, act like him and when I don't get it right, I try to emulate him until I do.

 

 I read all of his love letters over and over so that my brain can absorb and my heart can believe just how much he loves me, and so I can do only the things that please him.  I find myself sneaking to a quiet place to talk to him.  I do not need a cell phone or a computer to instant message him.  All I have to do is to whisper His  name and he is there with me, comforting me and telling me that it will not be long until our marriage ceremony and we will be together forever.  After taking a dose of him,  I can live only a few more hours before going back for more.

 

So, if I look lovelorn and ditsy, if I seem to be "out of it" or out of my mind; it is because I am.  I now have the mind of Christ; I'm addicted to him and am proud of it. 

 

Thank God for Mom and Dad and their drug of choice.