Calvary painted love's picture for me.

April fourth; poem four.

 

 MANIA’S ADDICTION

 

One more time, I cry in pain

Distraught, alone in tremors lain

My need is great; I need that high

Need to feel on wings I fly

 

How can I bear nothing happening?

How to survive the depressive aching?

One more hit, just one more shot

Maybe this one is all I’ve got

 

Sex or drugs or alcohol

It’s all the same—perhaps Demerol?

Anything to hide these blues

Would anyone like to wear my shoes?

 

Oh yes, he looks; I’ll have my way

I’ll knock this thing for one more day

Drown in the arms of attention’s wine

Though tomorrow morn I’ll feel like swine

 

Self-destruction; me, all but lost

At what a debilitating cost

No way out, it seems I’m doomed

Can’t help myself up from the gloom

 

Just one more buzz, just one more high

Just one more…something…to get me by

Whee! I’m up; I’m invincible

Yet in the end, dispensable

 

To God I’ve cried in agony

Won’t you take this cup from me?

Throughout the years, I tried to see

A way to live successfully

 

I knew I’d never go it alone

Could never do this on my own

My will was lost when the surge took over

I was like a drunk who could not get sober

 

Finally, I dragged myself to see

Someone who had the sense to be

My fortitude, and push me through

To her I owe my gratitude

 

God was there, all the time

Knowing in his grace sublime

That he had called great docs like Luke

And that I had seen one was not a fluke

 

This was his way of touching me

When I had “bottomed out”, you see

For had any offered this help before

I certainly would have slammed the door

 

Now, steady goes it; I miss the high

That little fact, I can’t deny

But knowing an even keel is best

My mind and soul have found sweet rest.

 

Bonniegirl

April 4, 2008