"And the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden…. To dress it and keep it".

Wherever I go, you are there, looking at me, after me, for me.  You are like a silent stalker.  You said if I make my bed in hell you would still be there, knowing my every mood, my every move, my every thought.  And, to tell you the truth, sometimes I resent that.  Why can't I have a single perverse thought, try an obscene gesture, without you standing there, in the shadows, like the gentleman you are, watching me and making me feel uncomfortable?

 

I know; it is because you said you would never leave me or forsake me.  You love me with an undying love and you remember the time when we had so many wonderful conversations about anything and every thing, and you want to get that closeness of communication with me back again.  I could tell you that I hated you  and you would not even be angry, because you know my innermost being and love me just the way I am.  You are always going out of your way to look out for me, to do things for me, altho I ignore you most of the time and take you for granted.  How could I ever have a lover and a friend more kind and thoughtful than that? 

 

When I am asleep, you look out for me...sprinkle the sky with stars, lighting the way to my pillow, like a glowing ember in a fire, so small, yet still alive.  This is like our relationship.  It is all one sided, yet you hang on and are tenacious, hoping that I will come around, give you the quality time you deserve.  The flame is still there, ready to ignite into a full blown force of intense feeling.  You want us to be as one again, as we were before in times past.  I would listen for your voice, speaking into my ear, my heart, and I would never doubt one thing you had to say.  I loved and trusted you so much that what you said I believed, without question.  I would tell everyone what you had told me and what we were going to do together, just as most people do when they are in love.  I would cherish the moments that we would work together as a team, never second guessing one another.  You believed in me, and I in you.  And, wow!  What a great team we made!  Talk about one putting a thousand to flight, but two ten thousand; we slayed those proverbial giants together, but I know it was because I had your authority behind me and I felt like I could do anything as long as I had you on my side.  And there was nothing like that feeling.  To know that I was not doing anything alone, that I had you to protect me, gave me such peace.  After all, you were big and strong, capable of doing away with anything or anyone that stood up to harm me.  I was your espoused bride and you talked of how you could not wait to capture me in your arms and carry me away, so be exclusively alone, forever, without any more fear of the world around us trying to oppose our union.

 

But what happened?  Somehow I started looking around and finding attraction in other things.  My eagerness for you started to wane, and I looked for grass that was greener on the other side.  Being close to you took so much time and effort on my part that I started to become slack and lazy.  I neglected to call you and talk to you on a daily basis as I used to; and somehow, I drifted into thoughts of other things, other desires and did not give you the honor that our relationship needed.  Until my love for you grew cold, and I seldom, if ever thought of you.

 

Yet you still waited.  You wrote letters.  You sent the patter of raindrops onto my shoulders in the middle of a hot afternoon, reminding me of how much we loved walking in the rain together.  And you never ceased to love me. 

 

I just want to thank you for that!  My bridal gown is dirty and sullied.  My heart has a long way to go to be devoted to you like it was before.  We have a lot of catching up to do, but please be patient with me, oh lover of my soul.  Keep loving me and touching me in those familiar places, where it hurts so much because of scars of my own making.  With your help, I know we can have that closeness again; you are my first love.